Falling Fast (Falling Fast #1) Page 9

  “I think we were drawn together because we felt safe with each other. Accepted. The therapist said exposing yourself, your scars, for the first time is the hardest. But it’s easier when you’re showing them to someone who also has them.” Her hand went to her chest, even though her shirt hid the scars.

  “That makes sense,” Raleigh said, his voice going hoarse at the thought. “So he helped you to heal.” Something Raleigh couldn’t do.

  “Yeah. We helped each other. But he’s angry. That’s how he deals with it. Angry at Al Qaeda. At the war. God. And as I felt the wrongness of blaming everyone else for your problems, I realized my parents were doing the same thing by blaming you. I’d kinda gone along with it, out of guilt. My decisions caused them a lot of pain and expense.”

  She curled her hand over his. “As I listened to Stewart rail, I realized that it wasn’t really you my parents were blaming. Those years I fought the cancer, we all struggled not to blame God. It’s easy to blame some almighty entity. Or assign it to fate. Then again, you don’t want to piss off that God who can supposedly crush your life in a blink, right? So after the crash they had an outlet for all that repressed anger: you. It’s not personal. And it’s not about you.”

  He leaned down and kissed her. There was no way in hell he could fight that. Even if she was seeing an angry military guy. He captured her mouth again and again, savoring the feel of her soft lips pliant beneath his. Just sips of a kiss, he promised, maybe one or two more. Forget about the intake of her breath at the first contact, the breathy sigh with each touch of their lips. But he couldn’t ignore her mouth opening to his, needing more.

  He knew that need, felt it in every cell of his body. She moved into him, her hands sliding up his arms, to his shoulders. Her breasts pressed into his stomach, nipples hard enough to feel through their clothes. He slid his fingers into her hair, dislodging the clip and feeling the rain of silk as it fell down her back. His heart was hammering, the way it had the first time they kissed, and it felt as if something in his life had finally gone right.

  And if all he got was absolution, and this kiss, that would be enough.

  Right?

  Their mouths opened simultaneously, their tongues coming together as naturally as they always had. Flirting. Dancing. Playing. He had to hold himself back from devouring her, from pinning her between his body and the wall. Her hair slid over his fingers as he twined them through her locks. He fought not to grip too hard, to anchor her, to hold her fast and never let her go. She tasted sweet and minty. He drew one hand down the center of her back, going all the way to where it dipped in at the base. He splayed his fingers, wanting to feel as much of her as he could, even if fabric separated them.

  She made a sound—a groan or a whimper, he wasn’t sure. Probably a what the hell are we doing? kind of sound. What were they doing? Falling fast into a place where regret lurked. Not for him but for her. He had regretted much when it came to her, but not this.

  He finished the kiss, keeping his hand around the back of her neck and pressing his forehead to hers. “Sorry. I couldn’t stop myself from doing that.”

  She was catching her breath, too, her body expanding against his with each exhale. “I felt like I was seventeen again.”

  “Me, too.” He took one long breath to calm his heart. To bring himself down. “Well, like I was nineteen. But we’re not.” He made himself release her. “We’re not those kids anymore.”

  She wore a mix of emotions in her big brown eyes: sadness, wonder, and the haze of desire. “But those feelings, everything we felt when we were those kids, that’s still in us. So in a way—”

  “Raleigh! Miss Nancy’s granddaughter!”

  A boy’s voice calling from the kitchen, where the French door was open. Cody. The kid opened the screen door, banged it shut, and burst into the room. “Can I help? Can I help? I love painting!”

  Luckily, he didn’t seem to pick up on any of the tension shimmering between Raleigh and Mia. Raleigh had loosened his grip on Mia, but he couldn’t make himself step away from her.

  He affected an arched eyebrow and a haughty look. “I’ve seen your painting skills, kid. This needs to be professional.”

  Cody waved that off. “Ah, I was just painting my room for fun. I wasn’t even trying to make it look good.”

  “That I believe.”

  Mia gave Cody a warm smile. “I’m no professional, either. In fact, I’ve never painted a wall in my life. My nails are as close as I get.” She flashed her unpainted nails, but for the flecks of paint from their activities.

  Good, she’d recovered quickly. The kiss was a fluke. An impulse. It wouldn’t happen again. Hell, Raleigh might have kissed somebody else’s girl. Even worse, that somebody else might be a soldier who had put his life on the line for his country.

  He tossed the painter’s tape at Cody, who snatched it out of the air like a pro. “See how we taped up the baseboard? Why don’t you start doing that over on that wall? Screwdriver’s on the coffee table for removing the electrical plates. Don’t stick the end into the sockets.”

  “All right.” Cody’s slumped posture nearly made Raleigh chuckle. Get used to disappointment, kid. It’s part of life.

  He couldn’t help looking at Mia. Who was looking at him. “Ready to start painting?” he asked, because he couldn’t think of anything else he could say in front of Cody. Like Give me an inch, and I take a kiss. Give me a yard…But she hadn’t been angry or even shocked. He’d made her feel like that carefree, wild girl who’d been locked in a frail body for so long. Who longed for risk and excitement.

  Yeah, like that wasn’t dangerous.

  “I’m ready,” she said in a soft voice that made him unsure that she meant painting. Especially with her eyes wide and hazy with emotion.

  “Just make sure you don’t go over the line.” He was really saying it to himself, and meaning nothing close to painting over the tape.

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  As he painted with her during the next few hours, he realized that working separately would have been much safer. Because he wouldn’t have kissed her. Wouldn’t now be looking at her, savoring the line of her body as she reached up with the roller, a smear of paint in her hair. And aching with the knowledge that he would have to lose her all over again.

  Chapter 7

  Mia sat at the table out on the deck watching Raleigh and Cody play with a Frisbee they’d found on the beach. The sun was low on the horizon, a beautiful backdrop to the two flinging the disk back and forth in an effort to make the other lunge for it. Cody had taken a dive more than once. Raleigh had done a few fancy moves, catching it behind his back, then tossing it from the same place.

  He was shirtless, said shirt now dangling from the waistband of his paint-splattered shorts. Golden sunlight glistened on his skin, shadowing the contours of his muscles. His abs were perfectly flat, the ridges tightening with his movements. And you’re gawking.

  She knew that, although he looked completely hairless from a distance, he had fine, blond hairs across his chest. Only noticeable close-up, when sunlight hit them, or when her hand skimmed the surface of his body. Neither could she see the freckles that she knew were sprinkled across his shoulders and back. But she could see the hints of red in his hair, especially with the tint of sunset bringing them out.

  Still gawking.

  She gathered up the leavings of their subs and scrunched them into bags on the table. Take-out cups sweated as the ice melted. Inevitably, her gaze strayed back to the two on the beach.

  Well, mostly to Raleigh. He was good to Cody, who clearly idolized his much older half brother. She was glad the kid was here, sort of a buffer between her and Raleigh. So they didn’t kiss again.

  Even if you want to.

  She did, dammit. But going back to the past was never a good thing. They were different people now, as Raleigh had pointed out. He carried a very heavy burden, and that burden had everything to do with her.

  During t
heir kiss, though, everything had fallen away to leave only the two of them. Her fingers brushed her lips as she sank into the memory. His seductive tongue sliding against hers, spiraling down the length of it, sucking gently. Once again, she’d babbled, telling him that it had made her feel like that summer-romance girl. A taste of the forbidden, the dangerous, the sweet. The problem was she wanted more. Craved it the way she’d craved him all those years ago. She’d never drunk, never done drugs. She’d only done Raleigh.

  She giggled at the analogy.

  Raleigh gave her a mock glare. “What? You laughing at me? Are you laughing at me?” He sort of imitated Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver.

  Which made her laugh more. It felt good to just let out her mirth. In one day she’d laughed more than she probably had in the past seven years. When the roller fell off the pole and hit her in the face. When Cody screamed like a little girl as a lizard ran across his foot on the deck. Then he’d tried really hard to downplay it, with his puffed-up chest; he’d only been startled. Of course, Raleigh wasn’t letting that go, and his teasing had started her gales all over again.

  “I’m not laughing at you,” she called out.

  Raleigh furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh, you’re laughing with me, zat it?”

  “Just…smiling out loud. You have some fancy moves there, Mr. West.”

  “Mr. West? I don’t think I’ve ever been called that.”

  “You’re going to be a business owner soon. Get used to it.”

  A spark of hope and pride lit his eyes, then vanished. “Let’s see how it plays out.”

  Because things didn’t go his way. She hated that for him. Hated how he couldn’t even afford to hope.

  “It will, you’ll see. Life’s going to start going your way.”

  “Our way. I mean, both of our lives,” he added. Separately, because that our sounded a little too intimate. She got that. And yet…

  “Come on, Miss Mia, play Frisbee with us!” Cody called, oblivious of all the undertones. Lucky kid.

  She was sure she’d been carefree once, before the cancer, but she didn’t remember that time. It seemed that her life started with the mysterious lump in her stomach that landed that terrifying diagnosis. A big, unpronounceable word that meant one simple thing: cancer.

  A sound caught her attention, and she pricked up her ears. Knocking. It was coming from the front door. A few people had brought over casseroles, knowing she was staying in town. Grandma had developed a tight-knit group of friends who adored her.

  Mia was prepared to meet another one when she opened the door. The woman on the front porch was thin, in her thirties, with lanky hair that hung midway down her shoulders. Her gaze flicked beyond Mia for a second before returning.

  “Hey. I’m Cody’s mom, Rose. I came by to make sure he wasn’t causing any problems.”

  Mia held out her hand. “I’m Mia, Nancy’s granddaughter. Come on in. Cody’s been no trouble at all.”

  As they walked toward the back deck, Mia pointed out the things Cody had helped with. “The boys are playing Frisbee out on the beach.”

  Raleigh caught a wild throw with the tips of his fingers, then looked over. “Hey, Rose.”

  Mia watched Rose’s eyes light up, her smile growing warm as she waved. It gave Mia a funny feeling in her stomach. Was there more between them than Raleigh’s helping out? It would be strange for Rose to get involved with father and then son, but weirder things happened.

  “Mom, I don’t want to go yet!”

  “You have fifteen minutes. I’ll throw your bike in the back of the truck.” She glanced at Mia. “He’ll move in if you let him. I don’t want him overstaying his welcome.”

  Mia shook her head. “He’s been fine. A big help, really.” She had mixed feelings about his leaving. She and Raleigh would be alone. That was good. But…she and Raleigh would be alone. That was bad. Mia gestured toward one of the chairs at the table. “Please, sit. Cody ate with us. He assured us that you didn’t have anything special planned, that it was all right.”

  “I was just gonna make one of those boxed kits—you know, where you just add ground beef. He’s not a big fan.”

  Mia didn’t know, but she nodded anyway. “Good. This will save you the trouble. There’s half a sub here, if you’d like.”

  Rose’s eyes widened hungrily as Mia fished out the loosely wrapped package and handed it to her, the scent of Italian dressing and salami filling the air. “If you’re sure.”

  “Absolutely, please. It’d be soggy if I tried to eat it tomorrow. I’d hate for it to go to waste.”

  Rose unwrapped it like a present, picked off the tomato slices, and took a bite. “Mmm.”

  Mia set the bags of chips nearby. “Help yourself. Would you like a water or soda?”

  “Coke, if you got it. Been drinking water all day.”

  Mia went in and grabbed a bottle from the fridge. Rose was already finished by the time she returned, a sheepish look on her face as she folded the empty wrapper. “Guess I was pretty hungry. I didn’t get a chance to eat lunch, other than a bag of pretzels.”

  Mia wished she had more to offer. “I know the feeling. We were famished after working all day. What do you do?”

  “Lawn maintenance. Got my own company.” That explained her wiry build and leathery skin. She was a pretty woman who’d obviously had a hard life.

  “Good for you, being an entrepreneur.”

  “No benefits,” she mumbled around a mouthful of chips. “But no boss, either.”

  Mia couldn’t imagine struggling financially the way this woman must. Especially being a single mom with no father in the picture. Mia both admired and pitied her. “You’re doing a great job with Cody. He’s a good kid.”

  “Thanks. I’m lucky. Lucky to have Raleigh in his life, too. I don’t know what I’d do without him.” Rose’s gaze met Mia’s, and did she imagine a message in their soulful depths? Don’t take him away from us.

  “You are lucky,” Mia said. “He’s a good man.”

  Rose was watching the two now, and Mia definitely heard the sigh in her voice when she said, “Yeah, he is.” She seemed to willfully pull her gaze back to Mia. “He helped me start my business when I lost my job at the maintenance company I was working for. My boss figured I should be very grateful for the job, if you know what I mean. He thought starting the day with a blowjob was a great idea, how it would put him in a really good mood.” She uttered a sound of disgust that mirrored Mia’s. “When I told Raleigh about it, he had a talk with the guy. That backfired, unfortunately, and he fired me.”

  “At least you were out of a bad situation.”

  Rose’s mouth tightened into a frown, and she stared hard at nothing for a few moments. “Yeah, but sometimes removing the bad situation makes things a lot worse.”

  Once again, Mia sensed more beneath her words. “But you’re better off now.”

  She blinked, coming back. “Much. Raleigh scrounged up some used lawn equipment and spread the word. A couple of my ex-boss’s customers came over. So far, so good.” Spoken like someone who expected the worst. A bit like Raleigh, with his reluctance to hope.

  “I said that a lot when I had cancer,” Mia confided. Something she didn’t do very often.

  “You had cancer? But you’re so young. And healthy.”

  Mia almost wanted to chuckle at the shock on Rose’s face. “I was diagnosed when I was eight. After every surgery and the chemo, I was afraid to hope that it was over. But I still did. And it kept coming back.” There’d been times, yes, when she had given up. When weariness had become as much to bear as the side effects. “Sometimes I had to dig deep to find that hope. Then, finally, we had a clear test. Then another. Whenever anyone asked how I was doing, I’d say, ‘So far so good,’ even years later. I still think it.”

  “Shit, the accident and cancer.” Rose was now focused on Mia, studying her face. “I guess we all got our trials. Even rich girls like you. You were in that crash with Raleigh. That’s you, righ
t?”

  “Yes.”

  Rose took another chip from the bag, crunched it as she shifted to Raleigh, now wrestling with Cody. “Raleigh was sure worried about you. Did you know he checked himself out of the hospital and drove up to Atlanta to see you?”

  Raleigh had Cody in a headlock, their bodies tangled together on the sand. Raleigh’s scar stretched down along the side of his deep rib cage.

  “I just found out. I wish I’d known earlier.”

  “What would you have done?”

  Mia turned at the sharp question, seeing it reflected in Rose’s expression. “I would have understood how hard this was on him. I would have…” She swiped her finger down the condensation on the cup. “Tried harder to let him know I never blamed him.”

  So Raleigh had talked to Rose about all this. And Rose was, it seemed, as protective of Raleigh as he was of her.

  “So you don’t blame him?” Rose asked. “He thought you did, especially after you hung up on him.”

  Mia winced. “I feel terrible about that. I just couldn’t process talking to him. We’ve cleared that up. Now he needs to forgive himself.”

  “I think it goes deeper than that. I don’t think he believes he’s worthy of being forgiven. When you grow up poor—trailer trash, as we’re called—you take on other people’s opinions of you. Raleigh had it even harder; he had his father’s reputation to overcome. It was even more confusing for Raleigh, ’cause Hank was the lovable jerk. Charming as hell until you realized he’d taken your last dollar. Folks assumed the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, even though Raleigh wasn’t anything like him. Then, like his father, he went to jail. Afterward, he got a lot of hassles. He was the guy who hooked up with the pretty rich girl and then got her hurt bad. It took a while for him to earn back people’s respect. Life’s not fair, you know?”

  Rose had called her rich twice. Is that how people saw her? “I know.”

  “Yeah, I guess you do. Having cancer, getting hurt like you did.”